Nisha, a Noida-based woman came for psychoanalytic therapy with an intense conflict. She had recently given birth to a baby girl and was wondering whether she should continue with her corporate career or devote the next few years of her life onlyto the upbringing of the baby. Initially, it seemed that she was unable to decide because the choice was extremely difficult.Everyone close to her was of the opinion that putting her career at stake for the sake of motherhood was a bad idea.

However, after a few sessions I had a sense that she preferred being a full-time caretaker to her daughter and wondered what was the conflict really about? The answer was found while reviewing Nisha's life history. She was the second female child of her parents and everyone in the family was expecting a boy. This had a significant impact on Nisha during early childhood. Somewhere she could sense that she brought lesser joy to her parents and everyone in general felt that she needed to compensate for this. Despite being very intelligent, sensitive and beautiful she suffered from an extremely low self-esteem.

Nisha could never own up her desires and in all her relationships tried to find out what others expected from her and left no stone unturned in fulfilling it. She reflected on this and told me- "Doctor, throughout my life I have lived in this constant dread that if I do what I like everyone around me would be hurt. I have renounced several desires and tried to incorporate what others want. Despite achieving a lot, I feel unsure about smallest of things. I cannot go against what others tell me and it gets maddening when people tell me different things."

All along Nisha felt devalued about her own self and her femininity because people around her never valued her. She thought that she needed to achieve a lot to feel valued. At this juncture in her life, she wanted to embrace motherhood and femininity in caring for her daughter. She had a wish that unlike her she would not let her daughter feel neglected. However, in making this choice she felt scared and devalued. Due to her past, she could not feel free to discover bliss and value in motherhood. This created intense conflict and depressive symptoms.

However, once she understood this conflict and its rootsNisha felt strong enough to choose motherhood with pride. At the same time for the first time in life she felt relaxed and blissful within. She shared -"I have this new conviction that I deserve to be loved and valued for who I am and not for what I do. Motherhood is my new career and a better choice than the mundane corporate career. For many decisions in life, rather than depending what others have to say, it is important to discover what one really wants and find courage to take a stand." She also reflected on the notion of feminism and women empowerment- "It is reductionist to conceptualize women empowerment wherein women just compete with men in traditional masculine roles. Rather, a true empowerment would mean that a woman can feel an internal and external value for whatever she does whether it is a traditional feminine role such as homemaking or a traditional masculine role such as corporate work."