Make your Marriage a Success
By: Pulkit Sharma

Marriage often starts on an exciting and positive note. There is a lot of sharing, bonding and affection but with time bitterness seeps in. There are arguments, differences of opinion, fights and emotional pain. The person who seemed to be the best friend now turns into the worst enemy. Any two individuals are very different from one another. There are bound to be conflicts in every marriage but if few points are kept in mind and followed by both the partners, any marriage can be a success.

Following pointers are helpful in strengthening the marital relationship:

. Understand and value partner's perspective: Most often we see everything from our own perspective and feel that anything we say do or suggest is perfect. However, the other person may have a very different perspective and may want to do things differently. For someone watching a movie might be the most relaxing thing but for the partner gardening may be the best stress buster. Rather than fighting whether to watch a movie or do gardening, both partners should give each other space.

. Constructive criticism: It is extremely common to feel hurt by something the other person said or did. In these moments we feel angry and want to express it. However, if we express the anger in raw form the partner does not understand anything but ends up feeling hurt and this leads to a bigger fight. It is therefore important that while expressing criticism we also express love and highlight positive aspects of our partner. This will give him/her strength to handle the criticism. Remember; never criticize the person but the act.

. Encouragement: Each individual has unique strengths and positive traits. Most of the times, we end up focusing and highlighting negative aspects of the partner while ignoring the positive ones. It is crucial that we identify the unique qualities of our partner and encourage him/her. This will make the partner feel valued and loved and they will reciprocate in a similar manner. In the long run, this process brings out the best in both the partners individually and as a couple.

. Take out time: All of us are extremely busy and have little time for other people. However, to make our marriage a successwe need to spend both quantity and quality time with the partner. The partner needs to feel that he/she can rely upon us. Therefore it is strongly recommended that both partners take out time for each other.

. Resolve differences on your own: Many times when a couple has arguments family members or friends get involved. This complicates the matter and ends up alienating both the partners. The couple feels incompetent and loses faith in each other. It is crucial that as a couple whenever there are differences or fights, we need to talk it out with each other. This restores our confidence and faith in the relationship.

Pulkit Sharma is Clinical Psychologist & Spiritual Therapist in private practice at Pondicherry (Puducherry), near Auroville. Email:- info@thepsychologistindia.com